Sunday, March 27, 2011

Like SEMS on Facebook

I forgot to mention this, but there is now a SEMS facebook page. If you don't like it, the hippies win....or lose....or tie. I guess it all depends on your personal view on hippies.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Mail is Hea.....The Mail is Hea

I receive tons of emails asking my opinion on various topics. Even though 95% are requests for nekkid pictures of myself, occasionally I get legit questions. Not to say I don't appreciate the picture e-mails, I'm just saying they're in the mail. If you want to see your question featured here, contact me at

Shane from Trenton writes....

Dear SEMS,
I notice you don't cover many Red Wings topics. I was wondering your thoughts on Jimmy Howard and Joey Macdonald. Also, who do you think wins the Cup?

Dear Shane,

I have admitted my lack of knowledge on all things NHL. The truth is, there are so many hours in a day, and I choose to spend mine on real sports like football and baseball. As far as Jimmy Howard and Joe MacDonald, I think they are incredible singers and either one could win American Idol.

As for my Cup picks, I think Winnipeg can go all the way, although Emelio Estevez sure has the Ducks playing well.

Thanks for reading,

Jim from Colombusfieldsvilleadelphia, OH writes...

Why are you so tough on THE Ohio State Buckeyes? They are a class organization, and they don't pay their players any more than USC or the Miami Dolphins. I....I mean Coach Tressel has admitted his mistake, and will face any punishment they give me. I was only looking out for my players....And when I say "I" I am speaking about that great coach Tressel.
Jim Tressel

Jim uh.....Schmessel

"Mr. Schmessel",

I am tough on the Buckeyes because they are cheaters. Their highlights shouldn't be announced by the Sportscenter guys, it should be done by Joey Greco. You shouldn't be the Buckeyes, you should be the Ohio State Cheetahs. When you make your beds in the morning, I wanna see hospital corners in your cheat-sheets.

In conclusion, I believe your program cheats.


Pat from Saugatuck, MI writes...

Dear Male Chauvinist Pig,
I am sick and tired of seeing your constant put downs of women's basketball. The players are equal to their male counterparts in every way, and I demand an apology.

Dear Pat,

Wow. I never meant to offend anyone. I am fully willing to admit that 85% of women basketball players are equal to men in terms of having a penis and testicles. I never meant to say otherwise. As for an apology, I confess it's long overdue.

I, state your name, would like to offer my humble apology to women basketball players world-wide. I am sorry that your game is unwatchable. I am sorry that only 3 people in the history of your sport can dunk. Or dribble. Or have babies. I am sorry that I think I can beat 98% of the WNBA, and would only lose to the rest because I would be day-dreaming about being anywhere else. I am sorry that your best player, Brittney Griner looks like the crackhead from Friday.

In conclusion, I am sick of ESPN cramming your Tournament down everyone's throat.


So Long, Stefan Logan/NFL Lockout-Day 8

Stefan Logan was one of the more exciting players for the Lions last year. He was one of the best kick returners in Lions' history. I hope you enjoyed his one season.

Logan was signed off waivers from the Pittsburgh Steelers in September, and played at a Pro Bowl level. He was named as an alternate, but could have easily been a starter. He also tied a team record with a 105 yard TD return....

So was he traded for a linebacker? A draft pick? Was he a salary-cap casualty? No, no. He's still a Lion. He will just not be able to have the same impact as he did in 2010. The NFL basically took kick returners like Logan, Josh Cribbs, and Devin Hester out of the equation.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for reducing the risk of injury for the players. I hate to see anyone be carted off on a stretcher. But man, the game is slowly evolving into glorified two hand touch. What's next? No hitting a QB above the waist? No more on-side kicks because it hurts the ground?

So in honor of the lockout, I will make this Day-8 and present you with some great kick returns...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Lockout-Days 6 and 7

I took a "mental" day yesterday after Michigan's improbable run in the NCAA Tournament. On a bright note, in the Big Ten Tournament and NCAA tournament, I correctly predicted every Michigan game. Who would have thought that picking them to lose to Duke and Ohio State would work out for me? If you missed any of the previews, head over to Michigan Sports Guy. So I will bring the awesomeness to cover yesterday and today as we try to cope with this work stoppage.

As blasphemous as it may be, I don't consider Barry Sanders the greatest NFL running back evarrrrrrr. He is in my top 5 for sure. The order is fluid, but Gayle Sayers, Jim Brown, Walter Payton, Barry, and Earl Campbell are in it.  But for pure excitement, Barry is my guy. Granted, I didn't get to see much/any of the other guys, but I grew up with Barry. So here are a few of my favorite BS runs...

And my personal favorite....

Luckily for us, there is a Barry Sanders Jr. on the way...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Knee-Jerk Reaction Time

Mother fucker. Balls shit ass fuck . I told myself before the game not to be upset if Michigan loses. It seemed safe when they were down by 15 in the second half. "Talent eventually takes over " I told myself. "Nobody expected a tournament bid this year." "Duke is the defending NCAA champion." Yada yada yada. A little piece of me died when Morris' floater clanged off the back of the rim. A bigger piece joined it when I saw how side open Novak and Douglass were.

Nevertheless, I love this team. I have to remember that there are no seniors on this team. Everyone is coming back. Smotrycz and Hardaway will have some experience. Brundidge and Burke will be contributers as freshmen. Already calming down. I want to be clear, I am not upset/mad/disappointed with Morris. You want your best player taking those shots, and he took one. I think I'm just mad that Michigan just exposed the team I picked to win it all.

It will be weird next fall when people are talking Michigan basketball when there is still football to be played, but I can see it happening. I am planning a stock-report on every team in the Big Ten, and it isn't ridiculous to say Michigan can contend for the championship. When's the last time anyone could say that?

What's worse is I can't even root against OSU until the Elite 8. Good lord, this makes less sense than normal. Oh well, time to hit publish...

Michigan-Duke Preview

I never got around to writing much of a preview for the Duke game. I had every intention to finally learn photoshop and crop Kyle Singler's head onto a ballerina's body, or Mike Kryhbdshfbsjbfuifiubfuidsbfiusduisfuiski's face onto a donkey's ass. I truly did. But I got caught up watching the Women's tournament, and I......I almost got that whole sentence out without laughing. But seriously, I didn't write a preview. Other than this one. I don't want to brag, but it's probably the best Michigan-Duke preview of a game to be played on Sunday, March 20th that I've ever written.

In conclusion, read my preview here. And Go Blue. Duck Fuke!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Lockout-Day 5

The Super Bowl Shuffle. The reason it's so cool is that it could never happen in today's NFL. There would be product-placement disputes. The star players would charge appearance fees. Ben Roethlisberger would rape someone on the production staff. It would be a headache. So let's all enjoy it for what it is. A bad song with horrible dancing featuring a coked-up quarterback. Maybe it could happen in today's NFL...

Five reasons Michigan will win this game

First, go check out my preview with actual analysis at MSG. That one has stats and thought. The following will contain none of that. By "popular" demand, here are my five reasons Michigan will beat Tennessee...

1) They have a player named Skylar McBee. For real. He looks exactly like you thought someone named Skylar McBee would look...

2) 6'10'', 272 pound center Brian Williams will more than likely miss major minutes in the second half. Whether it be foul trouble, or waiting in the concession line for some nachos (he's fat, get it?) and they have no depth. Don't believe me? I told you to read this!

3) Bruce Pearl is a fucking cheater. He lied to the NCAA. What kind of coach would do such a thing? Cheaters never win, unless you're USC.

4) Today is March 18th. As in the day after St. Patrick's Day. As in the heaviest drinking day in the world (I'm assuming). As in a day Irish people tend to go a little crazy. Michigan has one Irish player, reserve center Blake McLimans. Tennessee has two. The aforementioned McBee, and freshman guard Jordan McRae. Wait, he isn't Irish?

Oh, well McRae fucking cheats too.

5) I get all the retro hairstyles. The Mohawk came back a few years ago, and hasn't left.  Brandon Rush rocked the high-top fade a few years back at Kansas

So Scotty Hopson's hair is neither cool nor original. He's a good player, and will make more money than I ever will, but c'mon man. Step your hair game up. Here's Hopson...

Meh. Here's a few options to let him really stand out...
The "Get to Da Choppa"
It's shown here on a female, but it can work on anyone...

Then we have the "New Era"...

He and McBee can show team unity...

Still not enough? How about the "6th man"? Teams will spend so much time arguing to the refs about the extra player on the court, he can score 100 points...

How about the "Post Game Celebration"? It lets him keep the flat top, and add in a little "party in the back"...

No? How about he go back to the 80's and rock the classic "Gumby"?

That's bonus points for getting Bobby Brown in the post. That's the type of quality you have come to expect here at SEMS.

Bonus) Fuck Peyton Manning. Ohh, Boo-Hoo, I should have won the Heisman in 1997. No. No you shouldn't have. Your brother is a disgrace. Also, Charles Woodson, bitch.

Go Blue. Games at...I covered that here.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Lockout-Day 4

Man, who didn't love the fridge? He was the epitome of "space eating DT" that people like to bestow on any player over 300 pounds. Perry literally ate space. Then went off in search of other galaxies for dessert. He weighted as much as 382 pounds at his heaviest. Maybe in his right leg. He weighed well over 400 pounds.

He was a great D-lineman, but he gained fame due to his offensive prowess. His career totals of 5 yards rushing and 2 TDs rank 43,937 on the all-time NFL list. (That is completely made up) But they were memorable. So memorable that there are no youtube videos of his runs. Here's a picture.

There aren't any two-way players in the NFL anymore. The occasional Randy Moss INT on a Hail Mary aside, Devin Hester is the last example I can think of. It's safe to say there will never be another player like "The Fridge" but that doesn't mean we can't watch him promote McDonalds' new Mc D.L.T.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Water....Still Wet

What a week for unsurprising news. The Tigers recently announced that Joel Zumaya and Carlos Guillen would not be ready for Opening Day. I don't know how they Tigers will make it through without them. Oh, wait, like they do every year when these guys are injured.

I was shocked when he was given a raise over the winter. See? And I still am. Why don't they sign these guys for $17 and throw in a bunch of incentives? Like "You earn $75,000 for tying your shoes for 3 consecutive days without getting injured" and "Player will earn $40,000 for successfully completing a crossword puzzle without getting a papercut."

I hate to sound like a bitter, untalented, wanna-be athlete when I complain about these things. But, I'm really good at it.

Lockout-Day 3

I think the hope of everyone is that this lockout teaches the players how fickle their careers can be. You can be making $8,000,000 one day, and $0,000,000.00 the next. (Ok, they make $65,000 a year while on lockout) So they need to ensure their financial stability should their playing days come to an abrupt end. Vikings punter Chris Kluwe is in a band, for example. That's why they should look to Mike Bob Golic.

Bob Golic played in the NFL from 1979-1992. He was a three-time Pro Bowler. But he knew it wouldn't last forever, so he grew out the mullet. He learned which shades of denim went well together, and took some acting classes. He "starred" in Saved by the Bell: The College Years. Not looking to be typecast, he later appeared in Saved by the Bell: Wedding in Las Vegas.

Golic is an inspiration for many reasons. He was the second best Golic brother. He acted in the second best SBTB series. He is best known as Ogre, from Revenge of the Nerds, which isn't even him.

So the moral of the story, young NFL players, is diversify. Sure you are 6'5'' 300 lbs, and you run a 4.7 40. Can you dance? Do you have your own Starting Lineup figure? Do they even make those any more?
If you don't believe me, listen to the Wu-Tang clan...

Chappelles Show
Wu-Tang Financial
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack ComedyTrue Hollywood Story

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Lockout-Day 2

Zubaz pants were amazing. They are neck and neck with Starter jackets as the quintessential sports clothing article of the early '90's. They looked like an equal blend of Tiger and Awesome. 

Monday, March 14, 2011

Lockout-Day 1

As the NFL lockout didn't become official until late Friday, I am considering this day 1. Each day, I will highlight something good about the NFL from years past. It could be anything, as you will see....

There were no lockouts on Nintendo.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Michigan to Play Tennessee

After an improbably surprising 20 win season, the Michigan basketball team will play Tennessee. They received an 8 seed, which, wow. Wow. If they win, they will play the winner of Duke/Hampton. Or Duke.

I didn't see an NCAA Tournament bid this season. I would have been encouraged by an NIT bid, to be perfectly honest. This has been one of the most entertaining seasons in quite some time for Michigan fans. They last made the tournament in 2009 when they beat Clemson before getting "Griffinized". Yeah, it was bad.

This year Novak and Douglass will have a chance to advance farther in their junior seasons. A full, informative  preview will be coming at MSG. A snarky, mildly inappropriate preview will be coming right here. I will not criticize the seeding because, well, I am just happy they're in. I would have guessed a 10 or 11. The end of season run must have been more impressive than I thought. They were pretty safe going into the Big Ten Tournament, and secured it by beating Illinois.

No matter what happens, the future is bright. There are no seniors on the roster, and will be adding two high caliber guards for next year in former Jared Sullinger teammate PG Trey Burke, and Southfield's Carlton Brundidge. While not adding much size, both can score (especially Brundidge) and should be able to contribute as freshmen. They are also still in the mix for undersized PF Max Bielfeldt and SF/PF Larry Nance Jr., who would team with Tim Hardaway Jr, Jordan Dumars,Jon Horford, and 2012 commit Glenn Robinson III, to make up a killer father/son team.

This is a rivalry that goes back at least to 1997, when Charles Woodson beat Peyton Manning for the Heisman. They also cheat, which is nice.

Go Blue!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Never trust a man in a vest

Orson tried to warn us all years ago. But we didn't listen. We never listen. We are stubborn like children. We want to believe in something pure so bad that we ignore all the obvious warning signs. In a world of Pete Carroll, Lane Kiffin, and John Calipari, we grasp onto coaches like Jim Tressel like some sort of deity. "Tressel does things the right way" we say to ourselves as he beats our team 7 straight years. We can somewhat accept losing, so long as it's on the level. We despise Miami, because we know they cheat. Same with USC. Texas? What a fine program they are running down in Austin. That Bob Stoops from Oklahoma is a hell of a coach.

So what do we do when our preconceived notions are crushed? The same thing we did when we learned the truth about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny (that they are realer than Read Deal Holyfield, to all my younger readers) and think back to all the little moments of doubt we had over the years. All those dead giveaways that we ignored, denying ourselves a second thought over the absurdity of it's existence. "Sure, a fat man in a velvet suit can slide down our, and everyone else's, chimneys, take a milk and cookie break, leave presents, spelunk the chimney again, and head to the next house. Then he goes to every other house in the world, and repeats the process all in one night."

The same can be said about Jim Tressel. Sure, OSU reported 375 seperate violations in almost a decade. Sure, JT had trouble at Youngstown State. We never had concrete evidence that he was dirty. Until now. When notified of impending trouble, he wished the messenger a Happy Easter.
Hat Tip to
So he allowed the potentially ineligible players to play in every game. When the accusations were made public, he lobbied to allow his players to play in the Sugar Bowl. He stood behind the players, 22 year olds, as they were suspended for 5 games in 2011. All the while, he knew about it since April. For Shame.

AJ Green, a WR from Georgia, was suspended for four games for selling a game worn jersey. Dez Bryant, formerly of Oklahoma State, now with the Dallas Cowboys, was suspended for 10 games in 2009. He had dinner with Deion Sanders, and lied to the NCAA about it. So Bryant lies to the NCAA and misses most of his Junior season, but Tressel does the same, and will miss games against Akron and Toledo?

If I were a parent, I would be outraged. Many of these parents put their trust in guys like Tressel when their son commits to Ohio State. He is to be trusted as a de facto parent. He is responsible for not only teaching these players blocking schemes, but how to be a man. Am I wrong? The OSU Mission Statement doesn't think so. Here is a snippet:
Integrity in all aspects of behavior - The highest sense of integrity shall characterize every aspect of policy, performance and programs in the OSUDA. All participants in the OSUDA shall exemplify impeccable integrity - be they student athletes, coaching staff, administrative professionals or support staff of the department.
 So what should happen? I say the NCAA should throw the book at them. Then send someone to Columbus to explain to everyone what a book is. Then bring much tougher sanctions than 2 games and $250,000. The self-imposed penalties are a big "Fuck You, Pay Me" to the NCAA. I am not calling for Tressel to lose his job. That is up to the University. I wouldn't be shocked if he did lose his job, however. OSU has to try to save some face here. Players selling/trading their trophies is embarrassing enough, but a cover-up on top of it all?

One year, I wanna say it was 1991, my suspicions should have been confirmed. I was at my dad and step-mom's house. It was Christmas Eve. We had to run out for milk. As we climbed in the car, my step-mom "forgot" something in the house. She ran in for 3-4 minutes tops, and re-emerged and we were on our way. When we got home, the entire tree skirt was covered in presents. Santa must have come when we were at the store. It never occurred to my sister or I that the present's were staged, ready to go when we left. That nothing was forgotten in the house. That the presents were brought out while we fought over which seat we would sit in. I just wanted to believe that bad.

I don't remember the exact moment I learned the truth about Santa or the Tooth Fairy. I don't think it was too long after the above incident. I'm sure I was inconsolable for a good 15 minutes. I'm sure I questioned how my parents could deceive me. I'm sure I went through miniature versions of the 5 stages of grief. But I got over it. I realized how silly the whole charade was. I realized how naive I was to have believed for so long.

This is that day. The above e-mail is like finding a receipt on December 26th that lists all the presents I got from Santa. Maybe there are no clean coaches. Maybe the whole college game is dirtier than I ever imagined.  Maybe OSU will have to vacate their wins from 2010, and the winning streak is back to 6. Hey, a blogger can dream, can't he?

Michigan-Illinois Preview

I posted my Michigan-Illinois preview over at MSG. Link?


Tuesday, March 8, 2011

This Week in Great College Basketball Names-Blaise Ffrench

Fflagrent Ffoul?

In honor of St. Peters getting their ffirst tourney bid since 1995, I present to you Blaise Ffrench. Ffrench is a sophomore point guard for St. Petes. Ffrench played as a ffreshman at UTEP before transferring to St. Peters.  He  has only averaged 2.4 ppg this season, but has a ffree throw percentage of .438. To put that in perspective, Shaq has a career FT% of .527. It wouldn't be ffar-ffetched to say he needs improvement.

Double Fs aside, his first name means "Lisp or Stutter"......seriously. So Stutter Ffrench? Sometimes these things write themselves. Also gets a shoutout for almost having the same name as Top Chef All-Star Richard Blais.

In other news, water is wet

So Jim Tressel had "Pryor" knowledge of his players selling their memorabilia? 

Next thing you know, Pete Carroll knew that Reggie Bush illegally obtained his condo at USC. That Gene Chizik didn't notice Cecil Newton's new wardrobe upon Cam's success at Auburn. Shocked. Shocked and appalled. A dark underside to college athletics? News to this me.

"If you aren't cheating, you aren't trying" has long been a part of sports. Save a few programs like Duke and Northwestern, I believe everyone cheats. I liken it to prison gangs. You might not want to join, but you are in serious jeopardy of being taken advantage of if you don't. Why do you think Oregon can go from second tier Pac Ten power to National Championship game contender? Two reasons:
  1. Phil Knight
  2. Buying RBs from Texas
It's that simple, really. Until the NCAA cracks down, and I mean really cracks down, these things will continue. The schools will keep doing what they have to, because if they get caught, the trouble is not that serious. USC was docked 30 scholarships over three years, and just signed a class with 28 players. They simply have to appeal, and ride it out 'til the end. Meanwhile Carrol skips town for the NFL, they hire another "dirty" coach in Lane Kiffin. Who will they hire next, Bobby Collins?

I'm not naive enough to think Michigan is 100% clean. I think that for every Ed Martin, there are 100 people just like him. Trying to leech onto players is an old tactic. But I do hope that 9/10 coaches has no direct knowledge of these transgressions. For a profession built on integrity, it would sure be nice to see some once in a while.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Random 2011 Tiger Predictions

Before I attempt any preview type things, I will throw out some predictions to review at the end of the season. If I haven't proven it by now, I love opportunities to look stupid, so here we go...

Miguel Cabrera has MVP type stats-I know, I know, way to go out on a limb. But with his off field "distractions", people are starting to dismiss Miggy as a top-5 player in baseball. With Victor Martinez protecting him in the lineup, and a hopefully healthy Maggs in front of him, we may witness his true potential. I will say .327 with 43 HR and 134 RBI. I won't predict an actual MVP award, since the Tigers have enough question marks to make me doubt their postseason potential.

Verlander and Scherzer both reach 200 strikeouts-Again, not too much of a stretch. Verlander is almost a lock, and Scherzer had 184 last year. But with Scherzer's early season troubles, it is certainly not a given.

Phil Coke gets replaced in the rotation-This is not so much a knock on Coke, but optimism in guys like Andy Oliver. I think Coke gets 10-15 starts and moves back to the bullpen before Oliver or another youngster takes his spot.

Brandon Inge hits above .250-He hasn't done it since 2006. I just have a feeling he will be a pleasant surprise and provide more than stellar defense this year.

Austin Jackson's power is still MIA-When Jackson was a prospect in the Yankee organization, he was billed as a 5-tool player. He certainly showed four of those tools last year, but the power was lacking. I think he becomes a 15-20 HR guy eventually, just not this year. I will set the over/under at 7 and take the under.

The Benoit signing looks horrible through June, brilliant in September-When a player has a year like Joaquin had last year and cashes in, there is a microscope on him. Tiger fans expecting a repeat of his brilliant 2010 season will be disappointed early. But if the Tigers are in contention late in the season, I can see him becoming  a fan favorite.

The Tigers are in the playoff picture all season, miss playoffs-I hate to say this. I do. But Chicago looks scary good this year. And there's the Twins. It should be a good 3-team race all season, but I think the Sox take it. The Wild Card should come out of the AL East as always. I want to be wrong on this one.

Leyland manages his final game on September 28th-I can't see him back next season, barring a miracle.

The AL playoffs include Boston, Chicago, Texas, and New York (Wild Card). Boston beats Chicago to advance to the World Series.

The NL playoffs include Philadelphia, Milwaukee, San Francisco, and Atlanta (Wild Card). Philly beats Atlanta to reach the World Series.

Boston beats Philadelphia to win the WS.

American League Awards

Cy Young-

  1. Jon Lester-BOS
  2. Felix Hernandez-SEA
  3. David Price-TB
Rookie of the Year

  1. Mike Moustakas-KC
  2. Dustin Ackley-SEA
  3. Desmond Jennings-TB
  1. Adrian Gonzalez-BOS
  2. Miguel Cabrera-DET
  3. Mark Teixeira-NY

National League Awards

Cy Young
  1. Roy Halladay-PHI
  2. Tim Lincecum-SF
  3. Zack Greinke-MIL
Rookie of the Year
  1. Freddie Freeman-ATL
  2. Craig Kimbrel-ATL
  3. Brandon Belt-SF
  1. Ryan Braun-MIL
  2. Albert Pujols-STL
  3. Roy Halladay-PHI
So there we have it. I will check back around the All-Star break, and again at the end of the season to see how close I was.

Sunday, March 6, 2011


I just realized that I will receive my 10,000th hit either tomorrow or early Tuesday. For someone with no talent who posts dumb pictures and fake interviews, I can't believe I reached this milestone in basically 5 months.

A humble and sincere Thank You to everyone who has stopped by. And Thank You to everyone that has encouraged me to keep doing whatever it is that I'm doing. I'm not clowning around...

Friday, March 4, 2011

SEMS guide to weathering the Lockout

Despite the 24 hour extension that goes until 11:59 this evening, there is a good chance that the NFL will undergo a work stoppage. A recent poll, that I just made up, says that the average American spends 16 hours a day doing NFL related activities. With no on the field action, we need to find something to occupy our time. Luckily, we (I) here at SEMS have come up with a handy guide to help you get through the lockout.

Pogs-Pogs was a game from the mid 90's that involved little cardboard discs and heavier discs that you threw at a pile of the cardboard discs. I think. I had quite a few pogs back in the day. I had this sweet Chinese throwing star slammer made of brass. I don't think I actually played a "game" with them, but I had a nice little collection. With all this extra time, I may try to bring this game back.

Watching the entire Little House on the Prairie series on DVD- I was never a big fan of this show. I was never even a moderate fan of this show. My mom used to watch it regularly, and I remember the blonde girl was a huge bitch, and there was a blind and/or deaf girl. IMBD says it was on for fucking ever 10 years. That should be good enough to get you to the start of training camp (whenever that is).

Moving on...

Latch Hooking- Not to be confused with actual hooking, this is a fun way to replace your Vai Sikahema Fathead with beautiful floral pillows that you made. Can you rest your weary head on an October 22nd matchup between the Bills and Dolphins? I thinks not.

Watch a Tyler Perry movie-Any Tyler Perry movie.  I would recommend Madea ....

Couldn't force my fingers to finish googling another title.

Volunteer at a local soup kitchen-The easiest way to ween yourself of of the NFL. I mean, all the players and owners are going to need charity right? They can't possibly pay the insurance on their Bentleys, Maybachs, Bugattis, and Escalades and still have money left over for three meals a day, can they? I assume the owner's can sustain themselves on the concession stand inventory for a while, but pretzels and cotton candy only last so long. Just be careful when you serve Braylon Edwards. He will most likely drop the bowl.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Thursday NFL Quickies

The NFLPA and Owners have decided on a 24 hour extension on the current CBA. I still doubt a deal gets done any time soon, but at least there's hope.

The Lions have released Julian Peterson, which, hooray!!!

The Lions also failed to tender RB Kevin Smith, so RB becomes a priority since Jahvid Best seems to be made from the same ceramic material as Matt Stafford. If this means Mark Ingram at 13, color me pissed.

Former Lion WR Tommie Boyd was sentenced to 2-15 years for sexually assaulting a 14 year old girl. This came as he was a HS track coach. The optimist in me hopes this was a big misunderstanding, but I am far to jaded to believe it. What a shame.

Lol Pistons. Just Plain Lol

(I realize that most of this is old news)
Well, it finally happened. A local team has surpassed the Lions as the laughing-stock of the Detroit Sports landscape. So congrats, Pistons. You have made the Lions (and most other professional sports teams) look like the Pats/Yankees/Steelers/Lakers/et al. A team with so much recent success, and an NBA championship as recently as 2003-2004, now looks like any team from any sports movie until the 1 hour mark. They are the Cleveland Indians before they found out about Rachel Phelps. They are the Texas State Fighting Armadillos before the bar fight.

So what caused them to go down faster than a cheerleader on a Friday night? There are many reasons:
  1. Joe Dumars
  2. Charlie Villanueva
  3. Ben Gordon
  4. Rip Hamilton
  5. Joe Dumars

I think the blame is mainly on Joe Dumars, if I didn't make that clear above. He signed the other people on the list to insane contracts. Like Charlie Sheen insane. This we know. Despite being overpaid, this roster has talent. But not elite talent. And seeing teams like Boston, Miami, Chicago, New York, Orlando, OKC, Dallas, and to a lesser extent San Antonio atop the standings is not surprising due to them all having at least one Superstar. I exclude the Spurs because I fucking hate the Spurs. Tim Duncan with his George Mikan bank shots. Tony Parker is French. Manu Ginobli looks like cousin Balki. But everyone else has player/s that could be the star on any team. Detroit has a few nice 3/4/5 options on decent teams. Does anyone think Ben Gordon would ever get the ball in Miami? Would Tayshaun average 10 minutes per game in Boston? Hell, they barely do here, and we're terrible.

Ben Gordon was signed to a 5 year 58 Million dollar contract prior to last season. He has started 41 of his 125 games as a Piston. Villanueva makes 7 Million per year. He has started 27 of his 138 games in two years. So obviously, there were problems coming into the year. Then the last few weeks happened....

The trade deadline was the one chance for optimism. The chance to unload guys like Rip and Tay. To pick up expiring contracts/younger players/draft picks. It's the one time I was actively searching for Pistons news all year. And the rumors were flying. Tayshaun to Dallas for Caron Butler's expiring contract and a first round pick? Pistons decline. Rip to Cleveland for 12.6 Mil and a 2nd? Rip declines (although the Pistons were to give up a lottery protected 1st in 2012(which would have been protected) so it isn't as bad) even though he thinks Kuester is a career assistant coach? Jebus, if that doesn't scream bitter, I'm not sure what does. Oh, maybe this, He also turned down a buyout and the ability to go play with Derrick Rose in Chicago.
Have another, Rip!

But at least the veteran players are committed to finishing strong. Yeah, about that.... What a shambles. I have seen better organizational control at USC. The Lohan family thinks the Pistons are dysfunctional.

I would venture to say that leaves Detroit as a lottery team come draft time. They are currently in line for the 8th spot based on record. That leaves them out of the running for guys like Jared Sullinger, Enes Kanter, etc.
There really is no silver lining to be seen. They are saddled with disgruntled, overpaid players. No chemistry. A coach who has lost control of his team. No owner. A GM that rewards mediocre players like they have incriminating photos of him. I guess the only thing worth watching is the freak show. Does Rip go all Sprewell on Kuester? Does CV31 steal a teammates eyebrows? The opportunities are endless!

I'm Back...kinda

Sorry for the long delay. School got hectic with snow-related cancellations causing 2 weeks of work to be crammed into one. Then I got a nasty stomach virus that landed me in the ER for 2 liters of fluid to cure my dehydration on Monday. I will try to get back to regular posting here and at in the coming days.