Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Mail is Hea.....The Mail is Hea

I receive tons of emails asking my opinion on various topics. Even though 95% are requests for nekkid pictures of myself, occasionally I get legit questions. Not to say I don't appreciate the picture e-mails, I'm just saying they're in the mail. If you want to see your question featured here, contact me at

Shane from Trenton writes....

Dear SEMS,
I notice you don't cover many Red Wings topics. I was wondering your thoughts on Jimmy Howard and Joey Macdonald. Also, who do you think wins the Cup?

Dear Shane,

I have admitted my lack of knowledge on all things NHL. The truth is, there are so many hours in a day, and I choose to spend mine on real sports like football and baseball. As far as Jimmy Howard and Joe MacDonald, I think they are incredible singers and either one could win American Idol.

As for my Cup picks, I think Winnipeg can go all the way, although Emelio Estevez sure has the Ducks playing well.

Thanks for reading,

Jim from Colombusfieldsvilleadelphia, OH writes...

Why are you so tough on THE Ohio State Buckeyes? They are a class organization, and they don't pay their players any more than USC or the Miami Dolphins. I....I mean Coach Tressel has admitted his mistake, and will face any punishment they give me. I was only looking out for my players....And when I say "I" I am speaking about that great coach Tressel.
Jim Tressel

Jim uh.....Schmessel

"Mr. Schmessel",

I am tough on the Buckeyes because they are cheaters. Their highlights shouldn't be announced by the Sportscenter guys, it should be done by Joey Greco. You shouldn't be the Buckeyes, you should be the Ohio State Cheetahs. When you make your beds in the morning, I wanna see hospital corners in your cheat-sheets.

In conclusion, I believe your program cheats.


Pat from Saugatuck, MI writes...

Dear Male Chauvinist Pig,
I am sick and tired of seeing your constant put downs of women's basketball. The players are equal to their male counterparts in every way, and I demand an apology.

Dear Pat,

Wow. I never meant to offend anyone. I am fully willing to admit that 85% of women basketball players are equal to men in terms of having a penis and testicles. I never meant to say otherwise. As for an apology, I confess it's long overdue.

I, state your name, would like to offer my humble apology to women basketball players world-wide. I am sorry that your game is unwatchable. I am sorry that only 3 people in the history of your sport can dunk. Or dribble. Or have babies. I am sorry that I think I can beat 98% of the WNBA, and would only lose to the rest because I would be day-dreaming about being anywhere else. I am sorry that your best player, Brittney Griner looks like the crackhead from Friday.

In conclusion, I am sick of ESPN cramming your Tournament down everyone's throat.


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