Friday, July 29, 2011

Lions sign DT Quinn Pitcock

Fuck me.

The Lions have just signed DT Quinn Pitcock. Wait, it gets better. The Quinn Pitcock from Ohio State. Strike One. The Quinn Pitcock who plays the same position as Ndamukong Suh, Nick Fairley, Corey Williams, Sammie Lee Hill, Andre Fluellen, et al. Fouled it off, strike two.

The same fucking Quinn Pitcock who was drafted in the 3rd round of the 2007 NFL Draft by the Colts and retired after one year due to addiction problems. What was this cat addicted to, you ask? Meth? Nah. Coke? Nope. Booze? Weed? Sex? Not so much. Video games. The guy quit football so he could sit around and play Super Mario Brothers.

Seriously, why can't I be like 6'4'' 280 lbs? Is that all it takes to make big money? I mean, I love Grand Theft Auto as much as the next guy, but are there NFL teams hitting me up? The rhetorical answer to that rhetorical question is no, in case I wasn't clear. Never say I left you hanging.

That's it. I'm quitting this blog so I can focus on beating Sonic the Hedgehog. Maybe ESPN will hire me if I do.

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